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I went back to the hospital for my follow-up ultrasound this morning to check on the viability of the embryo. Because there hasn't been any noticeable growth, and because they failed to find a heartbeat when there certainly should be one, my pregnancy has been classed as non-viable.
I'm almost certain to have a miscarriage in the next few days. If I don't miscarry within a week, I'll have to be scheduled for surgery to have the embryo and gestational sack removed. I don't think anything this bad has ever happened to me before. I'm beyond myself with shock and grief. I'm feeling:  depressed |
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Well, I just went through the worst 24 hours of my life.
11PM last night I started bleeding really quite badly, and this is not supposed to happen because I'm pregnant. We rushed right to the emergency room of the nearest hospital equipped with a maternity centre and wound up waiting for seven hours for treatment. Seven long, looong hours. It was daylight before a doctor was able to see me, and I reckon the worst part of that was the uncertainty of not really knowing what was going on.
That and rushing there so quickly I forgot to pick up my DS or a book or anything, so we were basically staring at a wall for most of the night.
Then they took urine and blood samples, and the blood samples were the worst because they managed to puncture five different veins before they found one that would give blood. I really dislike needles and though I can take one on the chin, five is a completely different matter entirely. Ouch. My arms are now covered in band-aids.
Anyway, after the doctor looked at me he booked me into an ultrasound at another area of the hospital. They did a really 'invasive' (if you know what I mean) ultrasound to make sure the baby was okay. It turns out the baby is only six weeks old instead of nine weeks as we previously thought, but the best news of all was that nothing seemed to be wrong... so far.
I have another appointment at the hospital in two weeks time. I guess this pregnancy is going to be kind of high-risk after all...I'm feeling:  exhausted I'm listening to: N/A |
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Well, it looks like I have another rather big problem right now.
I've been getting excrutiating, debilitating back pain whenever I try to walk for longer than three or four minutes at a time. It's like a muscle in my back immediately becomes paralyzed in place, making it impossible to ignore. I went to see the doctor about it today and he said that it might be another sign of pregnancy, and just wait it out.
But I have to walk to college for my classes and it's two twenty minute walks each day. The last time I tried to make that walk with my back I nearly fainted twice on the way home from the pain. To make matters worse it's going to be pouring with rain for the next week, so I won't be able to sit down along the way and rest.
I have no idea what I'm going to do.I'm feeling: sore I'm listening to: Doom music and sfx. |
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Matthew and I have pretty much come to terms with what is going to happen to us in the near future. Telling a whole lot of people and talking through the anxiety really helped a lot. Thanks again to everybody who sent us their congratulations as well.
Of course, I still haven't told my father yet and I'm still really nervous about doing so. I told mum though, and she didn't seem to explode at me but still...
I've really started to feel like a pile of crap recently. I've been queasy on and off for about a week now but I had my first bout of morning sickness today.
Also, it's become really difficult walking to college every day with the sickness and the aches. I always feel like I'm going to die by the time I get to my chair. I can't just skip class when I feel off though, so I wonder what I'm going to do.
On the plus side though, Matty has officially become my slave. Heh heh heh...I'm feeling: sick I'm listening to: N/A |
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So I found out something really interesting two days ago.
I'm two weeks pregnant.
Yeah, I'm pretty surprised too. This means Matty and I are going to be parents. The baby should come some time around Janurary next year.
... We're still kinda in shock.I'm feeling:  anxious I'm listening to: N/A |
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My husband and I have finally found a house! It was so difficult getting somebody to rent to us because we had no prior rental history, but persistence pays off.
It $260 a week in western sydney, and it's a full three bedroom house and a huge backyard for Wren to play in. Matty and I are going to make the first payment in about an hour, and we're moving in next week.
Woo!I'm feeling:  ecstatic I'm listening to: N/A |
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I'm not sure what I think about this new year's eve. For a plus I have Matthew here with me for the first time ever, which is great, but on the minus we're confined to our room due to dad getting drunk and stomping around the house swearing and insulting people. It's really putting me on edge. I'm constantly worried he's going to do something cruel to Wren.
I did get a letter a week ago informing me that I've got a place in the local college next year, provided I can afford the tuition. I've been looking into some kind of payment aid to help me out with that. Should be able to get that sorted out in january, and begin in february.
Anyway, it's time to review last year's resolutions and comment on them, then make up some more for 2009. Let's see...
2008 Resolutions:
* Get myself into better shape.
This fell through really badly. At the very least I've slipped into much worse shape through stress and sloth and all that bad stuff. I hope that 2009 will be different...
* Make a sizeable dent in my two epic fanfictions. Say, an extra 100k words each?
I'm not quite sure if I did this. Maybe lumped together I did, but probably not separately. 50k per story is half a success.
* Save 25k worth of money in my savings account.
I kind of reached the 20k mark and it went downwards from there. Weddings and married life are expensive.
* See Matthew again.
This I did do, and it was the most important resolution for this year.
* Get married!!! ♥
Done and done! It was awesome.
* Move out and organize my own place.
Not yet. Owning a dog in a city makes finding a rental property extremely difficult.
* Go overseas for our honeymoon.
We were gonna... but I didn't feel like I could spare the funds. If we had gone we might not have the financial cushion that we have now. To a newly married couple that's extremely important.
* Get a new pet and take better care of it this time...
This is Wren, and he is thriving and healthy. I love Wren, even if his presence does make moving out difficult.
And now for this year, for as I write this the fireworks of the new year are going off in the distance, and Matthew has just given me my first kiss of 2009. It makes me feel much, much better.
2009 Resolutions:
* Get myself into better shape, or at least back to my original shape. 2009 I have to work my health like a dog! I must do it! I'm terrified of what will happen if I don't!
* Complete one year of college study. No dropping out for me.
* One year of happy marriage, please.
* Try and publish my little short story book. Even self publishing is okay, as long as I can get the bits and pieces into some semblance of a final proofreading/polishing stage.
* Move out and find our own place. I'm getting fucking sick to death of my alcoholic dad.
* Finalize Matthew's spouse visa.
*Find full time work for my husband.
Um... that's all I can think of for now. Hope everybody is having a great new years.I'm feeling: sore I'm listening to: Fireworks in the distance. |
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Christmas Gift Toy & MySpace Layouts at pYzam.com
 I'm feeling: groggy I'm listening to: N/A |
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21st
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Nov. 22nd, 2008 @ 09:35 pm
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Oh, it was my 21st birthday ten days ago and I never bothered to list what I got from everybody. Lemme list them now. I got...
* Three books, a cookbook, a Stephen King book and a Ben Elton book.
* A new pair of hiking boots.
* A new pair of sandals.
* A little potted bamboo plant.
* A tiny zen garden.
* A bonsai raising kit.
* Permission to buy a puppy, which I did a while back.
It was a pretty good birthday altogether. :)I'm feeling:  blank I'm listening to: N/A |
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I've finally quit the job that was causing me so much stress and misery. The day I left I felt kind of wistful, and sad, but I'm so glad that I'm never going to have to drag myself to that house again and nurse somebody who won't remember me in three days anyway.
My old boss said that she's going to write me two different references, one as being a good nurse and the other as being the assistant to the CEO of her company (Which, in an extremely loose sense was true). She says I should try to get the best shot at a new job as I could. She also said that she'd send me and my family a present for two years of hard work. Man I'm going to miss my boss. She was freaking awesome. Also, yesterday I sent in my college application. There's a pretty good chance I'll get in next year. I'll find out in Janurary, so I have two to three months to just enjoy myself before then. Maybe I'll pick up a part-time job when christmas gets close, I dunno. I have saved close to 20k for myself, and I am proud. 2009 will be a year of study and self betterment. I promise you. I'm feeling:  hopeful I'm listening to: N/A |
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( A hundred question survey. )
Also, the Bernier family has a new member! Meet...
Wren the Beagle Puppy!
Man I love this little guy. He was born on the 08-08-08, which is apparently the luckiest day ever according to the Chinese. He's named after one of my favorite characters from Phantasy Star IV.
:3I'm feeling: tired I'm listening to: N/A |
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Puppy!
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Oct. 6th, 2008 @ 01:10 pm
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Guess what everybody? Matty and I have adopted a puppy. My parents gave me permission to have one for my 21st birthday, and though I had to pay for the puppy myself it still makes me incredibly happy. I've been wanting a new pet for such a long time; I think it will help to give me closure over the death of Ninja last October. It's been almost exactly a year now. Wow... I still miss the little sweetheart...
But on with the new things! I pick up the puppy next saturday and I can hardly wait. He's a little black and brown beagle named Wren. Matthew is a little nervous about taking care of him while I'm away at work but I'm sure he'll be fine. We've already set up a little spot in our bedroom for the puppy to sleep in.
The only thing that I worry about is my work hours. Forty hours a week and I won't be able to be around the puppy in the daytime. I'll miss him and Matty too. I'll probably be calling home like ten times a week now. Heh heh...
Anyway, I'll post a picture of Wren and his adorable floppy ears once he comes home and I have access to a camera.I'm feeling: excited I'm listening to: Hellsing- World Without Logos |
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( Who comments the most on this journal? )
In the end I don't get many comments because I never really have anything important to say. Or, maybe everything that could be important in this journal just doesn't seem relevant enough for me to type anymore. (Maybe it's because this computer is in a public place now and I get paranoid about people looking over my shoulder...)
I've been trying to distribute my time in different places lately, so things that I usually spent a hell of a lot of time of are being put aside for other things. I've been focussing on my health a lot, because it's declined steadily in the past two years or so. I'm really ashamed to admit it, but it's true.
So something has to be done about that. I'm also trying to learn to cook, which is fifty percent doing good and fifty percent utter failure. Usually the food I make comes out edible, and not bad, but there's always one hideous flaw to it which prevents the food from being... well, good. For example, I tried making Lai Wong Bao today and while the dough was excellent I couldn't get the filling correct and in the end the bun tasted really bland. Oh well. Maybe next time.
I'm only ever writing in my breaks at work now so I've slowed considerably, creatively. I really regret that. I wish I could do it more.
Um... what else? I guess that's about it, for now.I'm feeling:  complacent I'm listening to: N/A |
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And I just might.
Today I had to organise to have our bed replaced. Matty and my parents put it together while I was at work. I only bought that thing in January and it was broken within six months. It's not like I weigh a zillion pounds or anything but with a five year warranty on the bed I thought it might last a little longer. Stupid welding faults...
At least due to the warranty replacing it didn't cost me a single cent. Also, how many people out there can say they broke the freaking bed due to earth-shattering sex?
Uhm...
Muahahahahaha...I'm feeling:  naughty I'm listening to: Therion - Trul |
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Hello livejournal, it's been about six weeks since my last post. Did you miss me? Probably not, but I did miss you. My life's just been a hectic whirlwind of happenings lately, all of them good, and I've barely had an hour to myself what with all the changes in my life.
Way back on May 7th I got married. My new name is Adelaide Dawn Bernier. I'm a Mrs now, which feels really weird because I'm like two decades too young for the title. Married life is fantastic. I just love my new husband to death.
After the honeymoon I'm now back at work and saving very hard to move out of this house and get one for my own, even if it's just a rental place. Just taking small steps and stuff; there's plenty of time.
Um... I'm still writing, though not as much as I used to. I was afraid having Matty move in with me and steal away all my spare time would kill my writing hobby, but it didn't. He continues to encourage it and even proofreads for me when he has the time. That's just awesome of him. In return I critique his art. We are a creative family! :D
Work is still as it always was, stressful, but I'm keeping on top of things. As long as the money flows nurse Addy is here to care for all your elderly relatives!
That's about all I can think of for now. I'll try to keep this journal alive like I used to way back at school. Somebody give me a kick in the butt if I stop updating, okay?I'm feeling: complacent I'm listening to: N/A |
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Mmm hmm, I've spent the past three weeks living with Matthew now. I'm finally happy again.
Today I picked out my wedding dress and Matty picked out his suit. The wedding rings also came back from the jeweller today. I have another dress fitting in like a week's time.
There's still so much stuff to do...
Less than three weeks until the wedding! I'm feeling:  accomplished I'm listening to: Azure Dreams Tower Theme Two |
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:/
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Mar. 27th, 2008 @ 11:53 pm
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This page here makes me wanna RAAAAAAAGE...
I'm not even a proper writer and this guy's advice makes my tummy all squeamish...I'm feeling:  aggravated I'm listening to: N/A |
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You are 95% 4chan material. You are the true face of 4chan. You're the type of person who finds racist jokes and sick humor hilarious, raids CoS, makes personal army requests whenever you see someone you dislike on Youtube, gets off to 5-year-olds, and calls Gamestop at 3 AM to ask for Battletoads. You scare me... and yet, I love you.
How 4chan are you?
See All Our Quizzes
I answered honestly and yet... wow, 95%? Huh...
Two more days until I meet Matty again. I'm excited, impatient, anxious, terrified and bouncing off the walls all at once. So much can go wrong on the 28th, like rain or fucked-up train/plane timetables or lost luggage or delays or things like that. I hope nothing bad happens. I hope everything goes okay...
This will be just about the biggest change I've had in my life to date. The past year and a half has been dedicated to making this so. It's wonderful and I'm so very happy that the day is finally coming, but at the same time I'm very scared. This will lead to another ego death and invariably end the kind of life I'm living right now. The next life is better than this one, but... we cling to what we know is safe, you know?
Anyway, Friday cannot come soon enough. I'd simply sit in my room and watch the clock tick by if I had the chance.I'm feeling: anxious I'm listening to: Within Temptation - Dark Wings |
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Quiz
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Mar. 9th, 2008 @ 12:10 am
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 Powered By Womens Toys
Powered By Love Toys
o_oI'm feeling:  creative I'm listening to: N/A |
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Mar. 5th, 2008 @ 12:19 am
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Took thirteen months, but we finally got the visa.
Phew.I'm feeling: complacent I'm listening to: Pink Floyd - The Wall, Run Like Hell |
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